Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Boyfriend Bermuda Triangle

If you find yourself in the dating world long enough you will find that there will be many forms of unrequited affection. Some people will be interested in you that you aren't interested in and vice versa and in many varying degrees. It is a harsh truth but fear not, dear friends, it happens to the best of us.  Maybe you will go out with someone that you aren't really into but just to be sure you will go out with them again for good measure. Then maybe you will find someone that you have a really good time with, or so you thought, then you will never hear from them again. Sometimes even after a few good dates they will suddenly vanish into thin air and with not so much as a "You're great, but...". There were no obvious signs, you both seemed to be enjoying yourself, there was a little making out that seemed promising, nothing that really pops out and says "this moment here was the fatal flaw that forever doomed any possible future we had together". Chances are that you will likely find yourself on one, if not both sides of this disappearing act once or twice.
I'm not gonna lie, when you're on the receiving end of the missing persons phenomenon, it's a blow to the ego.  It can lead into a downward spiral of replaying every interaction over in your head, analyzing every little detail for clues on what went wrong. If only there were mandatory exit interview questionnaires in place to offer some type of closure to poor abandoned souls. One of mine would go like this "You were nice to me but you were mean to everyone else we came in contact with. Also, you smuggled goldfish crackers into the movie. Next time at least make it some Hershey kisses, buddy."
However,  until the mandate of the exit interview questionnaire gets written into law, I have found other ways to soften the blow (and entertain myself). It's the Boyfriend Bermuda Triangle. It's the place where would be suitors go that provides a perfectly acceptable explanation as to why they fell off the face of the planet. Maybe he actually fell off the face of the planet. Come up with whatever back story you'd like, preferably comical, maybe even a teensy bit vindictive. Just a quick little tid bit explaining why he "obviously" couldn't even contact you due to the unavoidable circumstances, completely out of his control. Spoiler alert, a lot of mine have to do with secret double lives. This most recent one happened to have a career that practically wrote the story itself. He was a machinist. So after a great night out, he went to work on Monday (3 day window) and his hand got caught in one of the machines and blah, blah, blah, had to get a robot hand...has to learn how to use the robot hand, blah, blah, blah, the fingers are too fat to dial numbers or text, blah, blah, blah <end scene>.  Then instead of being left out in the lurch I get to think, "I had a nice time with that one guy who had to get a robot hand. It must suck to have a robot hand. I hope it works out for him." and send him off to the Boyfriend Bermuda Triangle. Done and done. I know you can always just let go but this is infinitely more entertaining. Incidentally, if anyone ever needs to send me to the Girlfriend Bermuda Triangle, I would like my double life to include a secret life of piracy or super spy. If you need to vilify me and go pirate, I'll understand. Until next time, ya scallywags. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh! I totally have one of those stories! A very pretty ex of mine ran off to Vegas to be a drag show star! I'm convinced I will one day see his name in lights ;)