Here we go again. An updated set of break up songs in the repertoire and the shooing away of questions that aren't worth answering. How did we get here? Is it something that I did? Should I have tried harder? How do I keep ending up here? Ok, that last one might be worth exploring but let's talk a little bit more about where "here" is. I am in the process of breaking up via the "Fade Out" method with my Cyber Boyfriend. The "Fade Out" isn't usually my style with any noteworthy relationship and I would classify this one as noteworthy, even though it was entirely long distance. However, that being said some actions (or inaction in this case) warrant an equivalent reaction. It hit the floor running, it was sexy, sweet, and satisfying as much as one could hope for in a long distance scenario. We just connected and when you find someone who lets you be you, makes you laugh and curl your toes, well it's intoxicating. Then it began to lose steam rather abruptly. I'm not talking about the normal relationship rut where the intensity down shifts. I could understand that. The thing is, there are certain things you can't go backwards from. You can't throw around pet names and then suddenly stop using them. You can't casually throw in "still love you" into a conversation and then stop having daily texts or phone calls. You especially cannot do these things in the already volatile dominion of the long distance relationship. Where state lines apart may as well be worlds apart and the only relief you have is the smile that crosses your face when you see his name come up on your phone. Yes, it was noteworthy. He also faded out first. I tried to fix it a few times and each time he said it would get better and in actuality it just got worse. So I did a test, which I also don't like doing. The test was for me to not initiate contact to gauge his level of interest. Well now we haven't talked and I guess that answers my question. In the end I may not be the one fading out after all, I may just be complying with his fade out.
Time to get back on the ladder. Where do I begin? There are a lot of dating sites and apps now, the technology is evolving and it's more like playing a game and less scary. Although I've been vehemently opposed to online dating in the past, once you've let yourself get wrapped up in something that will almost certainly end badly what do you have left to lose? Therein lies the liberation of rock bottom. I just had my heart broken by a guy who lives in a different time zone that I wasn't even initially attracted to, whom I never even kissed. There is nowhere to go but up from here. At least that's what I'm really, really hoping is the case.